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  • Writer's pictureKaren

Karen’s Story: The Why Behind Dandelion Transformation Therapy

I wasn’t actually home the day the knock came to my door. I was out at work, thankfully, and the children were at school. The only thing different about that day was that I couldn’t get through to my husband at all on the phone. Every time I called it went straight to voicemail. I must have tried 10 times, and though I was puzzled I wasn’t overly concerned. He was on late shifts that week which meant that he didn’t leave the house until about 2 o’clock, and would be gone when I got home, so we usually had a catch up around 12. I thought there must have been an issue with his phone, never once imagining the nightmare that was unfolding.


The Unknown


When I arrived home, the first indication that something wasn’t right was that his car was still in the driveway, yet the door was locked. He should have been at work. I unlocked the door and went from room to room looking for him. The blinds were all closed and our bed was unmade, and the house was a mess, which was just so unusual. Confusion tore through me, what was going on? My anxiety was through the roof at this stage, as thoughts went around in circles in my head. I didn’t have a number for his work as we always just used our mobiles, and still his was turned off. I actually wondered if he had been kidnapped, or had went somewhere to commit suicide, even though I believed he was happy and wasn’t depressed.


I was in a blind panic and I rang my brother in laws house. My sister in law answered, and of course they’d no idea either where he may have been. My thoughts then turned to suicide again. It actually seemed to be the only reasonable answer. Had he walked to the nearest forest and was he hanging from a tree somewhere?


The Realisation


I sat on the sofa for what seemed like hours, rocking back and forth with my mind going round and round in circles, when a car pulled up outside the house. He got out of the back of the car and a man and woman got out of the front and started walking towards the house with him. Even though they were plain clothed I just knew they were police. As he walked down the driveway I opened the door and said “what have you done?” He couldn’t even look at me and just said “I’m sorry love” and walked past me in the door and upstairs.

The two police officers followed him in and the male told me he’d been arrested for possession of indecent images. That’s when my whole world came tumbling down. Everything I thought I knew was gone.


They were very kind, and the lady officer took my hands in hers and asked me was there anyone I could get in contact with to come and support me. They then told me that my husband had to move out immediately until he was assessed by children's services.

I just felt that this was happening to someone else, this couldn’t be real, things like this didn’t happen to people like me. I was sobbing while my husband came downstairs with a packed bag and walked out the door with me shouting after him, “please don’t do anything stupid!” Meaning “please don’t take your own life” because I genuinely believed he would do that rather than face the shame.


I must have rang my sister at this stage, but I have no memory of it, because she arrived at my house not long after that.


My husband's brother had been informed of the situation by my sister and we arranged for the children to go to his house for a few hours so as I could get my thoughts straight. That’s the one and only thing he ever did to help me throughout the whole messy situation.

After dropping them off I came back home with my sister and that’s when everything crumbled. I lay on the floor sobbing in disbelief. Looking around I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t noticed just how bad the mess was where the police had searched the house. Drawers and cupboards were opened with stuff pulled out of them. How could this be happening to me? Neither me nor anyone in my family had ever had any dealings with the police ever before.


The Beginning of A Long Journey


The phone rang and it was children's services. That heralded the start of a long nightmare with them embroiled in mine and my children's lives. They wanted to visit and speak to the children. Could things get any worse?


I had no way of contacting my husband because the police had his phone, as well as laptops and tablets belonging to the children. I was told by the police that he was going to his mothers, but I found that hard to believe as he had a very distant relationship with his mother and a non existent one with his sister who also lived there.


When he did eventually call me we could barely talk to each other as we were crying so much. I just kept asking why, over and over again, but he couldn’t answer. Later he would tell me he had a porn addiction from when he was young, and it just spiralled out of control.

So that was the turning point in my, up until then, perfectly normal, uneventful but happy and secure life.


So began 6 years of a life I never expected nor did I want. The case took over 5 years to go to court. We were never given an explanation as to why it took so long. Social Services were obviously involved, making a bad situation 1000 times worse. My children hated anything to do with them and to get them out of our lives I agreed to their terms of Supervised access in public spaces. I now know that I could have fought this and I made their job very easy but I just didn’t have the will or the strength to do it.


Thankfully I was able to keep our humiliating and horrific experiences a secret and no one found out. However this meant I was now living a lie, and pretending that we were still living together like a happy normal family. Therefore I distanced myself from family and friends because I hated the deception, but I was so lonely. I’d always been so close to my mum and told her everything but I knew this would destroy her, and so I deceived her as well, and that was hard to deal with when she passed 4 years after the knock.


I went through every emotion from fear, to anger, to despair and grief. The worry for my children and OH was worse than any emotion I was feeling. I worried that my children would be irrevocably damaged and their lives would be destroyed. I worried for my husband, and how he was coping being separated from his family, and how he was going to continue living his life knowing he orchestrated its destruction with his thoughtless, selfish actions.

I was so angry at my husband for what he did, how he destroyed our family life and marriage, not to mention the lives of those poor innocent little victims whose images he looked at. But somehow I felt so sorry for him. I loved him, I knew he was a good man who loved me and his children fiercely, but how could the man I love do something so abhorrent?


Finding A Purpose Within The Pain


Throughout it all I had the firm belief that this was happening for a reason. I’m not religious, but I found strength in prayer to a higher being, to guide me and show me some meaning in this experience. I tried everything to give me some clarity, from meditation retreats, to reading every self help book I could get my hands on. I tried counselling with a Stop So counsellor but I knew it wasn’t for me when she mentioned the P word. I was never one for talking and talking and rehashing bad experiences over and over again anyhow.

I knew that there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances that I was in, so the only thing I could do was change my thoughts and reactions to the situation. That’s true with everything in life. We have no control in anything, apart from our reactions, thoughts and feelings following an unexpected and unwanted event. I watched countless you tube videos, listened to spiritual podcasts. You name it I tried it!


Then I came across Marisa Peer and her method of therapy which she claimed was rapid and transformational. It appealed to me as it didn’t involve months of talking and reliving everything that ever went wrong in my life. It worked by getting straight to the subconscious mind, and discovering the deep beliefs that stopped a person from living the life they wanted or feeling the way they wanted to feel and discovered why they held these beliefs in the first place.


I wanted to feel empowered and strong and able to cope with anything, and that’s what I got. I got to the root cause of why I didn’t feel any of those things, reframed those ingrained beliefs and by the end of it I believed I could cope with anything, that I was strong, capable, and deserving of a good life.


Once my thoughts and feelings changed around what had happened to me and my family, my life changed. I saw every setback as an opportunity for growth, I found gratitude for the smallest of things and I lived in the now. Now is all we have, focusing on the past or worrying about the future is a complete waste of time and energy, when we could be focusing and present in the now.


Discovering My ‘Why’


After a while I came to the realisation that I’d discovered my why. This was the reason why everything had happened, so I could learn Rapid Transformational Therapy for myself, become a practitioner and help other women going through the same experience. So that’s what I did. I believe that with the benefit of lived experience and RTT I can help so many others during the worst time of their lives, and show them that their lives aren’t over, it’s just different, and although it’s not what any of us would have chosen, it can still be a good life, and you can become a stronger, more grateful and more peaceful version of yourself, despite, or maybe because, of your experiences.


Having a therapist, or even just a friend, who understood exactly what I’d gone through and was aware of all the emotions and feelings I was having would have made my journey so much more tolerable. There’s no doubt that it’s a lonely place to be. I truly believe that I had to go through what I did so as I could help others.





Dandelion Transformation Therapy is specifically for those affected by the knock and the harrowing aftermath. I can be found at dandeliontransformation.com.

If I can help one person breathe easier, and make their life a little less painful then my experiences weren’t for nothing.

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